By: AyoKunle Maraiyesa
CONSENT AND SELF-ESTEEM
Let me start this article by asking you some questions:
Have you had sex with someone because you thought they will accuse you of being scared if you didn’t?
Have you ever had sex with someone so that they can like you more?
Have you ever had sex with someone so that you will not feel left out when you are sex-gisting with your friends?
Have you ever stayed in a relationship with someone who didn’t treat you right, because you thought you couldn’t do any better, or were scared of being alone?
Whatever your answer is, this article is for you. I will like to start by defining the terms.
SELF ESTEEM
Self-esteem is defined as confidence in one’s own worth. To put simply, it means liking yourself. You know yourself, your strength, flaws, past mistakes. You do not only know and value who you are but you are also positive about yourself.
There are two types of esteem; low self-esteem and high self-esteem.
Low self-esteem is when someone lacks confidence about who they are, what they are capable of and what they really want. Signs of low self-esteem includes but are not limited to – sadness, anxieties, low mood, avoiding social situations, feeling inadequate, comparing self negatively to others, difficulty accepting compliments, neglect of own needs particularly emotional ones, putting the needs of others before self, low expectation, difficulty in making decision or trusting your decisions, distorted view of self e.t.c
High self-esteem beyond liking yourself, high esteem connotes that you believe in your capabilities, you value and respect yourself which makes others to respect you. Signs of high self-esteem includes but are not limited to – high amount of self-respect, feel good in your own body and skin, you acknowledge compliments, you are comfortable with the image you see when you look into the mirror, you focus your strength and work on your weakness, walk away from unhealthy relationships, confident in your ability to make decisions e.t.c
CONSENT
consent is defined as giving permission for something to happen (in this article i will be more particular about sexual consent). Your choice to say “yes, I want to have sex” or “No, I am not having sex with you”
LINK BETWEEN SELF ESTEEM AND SEXUAL CONSENT
As said earlier, ability to choose whether to have sex or not with anyone depends on making a decision; being decisive, an attribute a person with low self-esteem lacks.
Many of us struggle with self-worth which makes it difficult to say no to someone when they ask us for something; including sex. We do not like ourselves enough but we most times hurt and harm ourselves to please people so that they can validate us. We all know how that ends – disappointments and heartbreaks, that is the reward for people pleaser.
The self- validation you seek from people is what no man can give you aside yourself. The self-respect you want should start from you. Low self-esteem makes you vulnerable to people that wants to prey on you, take advantage of you. It makes you too conscious of how people will feel, if they will accept you, rather than focus on your happiness and safety as if you don’t matter. You matter, and in the entity called YOU, you matter the most.
HOW TO BUILD YOUR SELF ESTEEM
- Accept yourself for who you are including your weakness and strength. Nobody is perfect, nobody is a saint. Perfectionism is a cage for self-expressionism. Set yourself free from that cage. The world does not want you to be perfect, the world wants you to be real.
- Develop your strength and work on your weakness. The weakness you cannot change or work on, accept it.
- Build positive relationship. Move with people that makes you feel good about yourself. Don’t try to fit in, squeeze it, work hard and impress people just so they can be your friends.
- Be productive and help others. It builds your esteem
- Love God. Love yourself and love others.